what i like to call ... the sob until your free

some days you have to wake up super early because you have somewhere to be. you run yourself ragged all day long. you have fun, but you do A LOT. you're finally back home and suddenly the exhaustion feels like something that needs to be treated in the ICU. you're hanging on by a thread at this point. emotionally. physically. and truth be told, you have been lingering in a state of still functionable/verge of a breakdown for several hours. you bounce around your home, trying to clean up before bed. you bend down to pick something up off the floor and when you rise ... crack! you hit your head on the corner of the table or whatever. and then you sob. uncontrollably, you sob. it had to happen. it was inevitable and much needed. there is no way you were able to go to bed with that exhaustion lingering in your soul. a release was vital ... it feels as if every organ, every drop of blood, every bit of oxygen ... comes rushing out of you so quickly. it's so invigorating. now you can fall asleep with a wet, puffy face and quick breaths. you're free. 

that was me, today. right now, actually. it's still happening. my experience was a tad different, as i am sure yours has been/will be. my husband just left to get late night chipotle for dinner. the kids are tucked away in their beds and when he gets back with my tacos, i am going to eat them in my bed with tears still streaming down my face. i am going to suck on a can of diet coke between bites and watch tv. i am going to do this until i am free. and then i will sleep. i will sleep long and hard. i will wake up tomorrow, maybe still crying, maybe not. either way. i will be cleansed and ready for a new day. 

if you have this day in the near future, i recommend standing on your porch if it's raining while you release those sobs of exhaustion. there is something about spring rain and tears that just go well together. if not, try sitting on your bed while listening to a good record. like this one. goodnight. xo. 


  1. YES. Mine is my toe. My right pinky toe. For some reason ever since my son has been born (almost four years) every couple months I break this toe. It has been re-re-rebroken too many times to count. I'm always like "WHYYY??!" I can never figure if there is a lesson to learn or some such thing but.... Yes. It's the sob. It's the free. Huh. Problem solved. So thank you. And enjoy every moment of your late night comforts. Rest well. xx

  2. Oh baby, I know all these feels, I don't sob nearly enough. I was raised to hold everything in and I'm just now beginning to be able to let emotion out, and when I finally let go, it is so freeing. I love you for sharing your heart, I love reading your words.

  3. Also, listen to Lucinda Williams song 'sundays'