carrying a baby

a rumbling tummy and heavy legs.   fits of laughter and long sighs.   anxious moments and sleep interrupted excitement.   worry and waiting.   waiting and worrying.   larger breasts and sore nipples.   clumsiness and crocodile tears.   hearing a heartbeat and fantasizing about a new life.   building a nest and taking long naps.   chasing tiny limbs with your fingers and counting kicks.   smiling at your little ones and telling them a new baby is on the way.   choosing a name and imagining a face.   feeling unworthy and extremely lucky.   worry and waiting.   waiting and worrying.   thankful and eager.   posing for weekly photos and embracing change.   laying and loving.   practicing patience and anticipating that newborn smell.   a little swollen and far too happy to care... carrying a baby. 

"a little baby begins to grow. a happy belly begins to glow." -devendra banhart

dress, leggings and pencil skirt are from storq and i'm in love. xo.


waiting for the rain to pass

i keep thinking that i need to make these posts more organized ... like, be more of an official blogger instead of rambling on about my feelings and posting a hodgepodge of photos. but then i decided that wouldn't be me. that isn't who i am. 

this past week has been a little nuts. we are officially in the packing up our house mode and this place is a wreck. it is driving. me. crazy. our move out date is june 30, so we have two weeks to go through all of our belongings with a fine tooth comb, organize what is left and box it up. it is such an exhausting process ... especially when you are trying to do so while very pregnant and chasing two kids around. also, i just love a clean, sparkly, organized house and knowing that we will be living in this chaos for the remainder of the month makes me all kinds of restless and emotional. as a result, i am left feeling completely and dreadfully uninspired. there hasn't been many photos taken around here lately ... but it's okay because we are moving! we are finally selling our house after fifteen months on the market and moving on. i am so, so happy about that and whenever i find myself weeping in the corner ... i just remind myself of all the good things ahead. a new home to bring a new baby to. it will be SO good. 

... yesterday was my birthday. i turned thirty. officially. i thought maybe when the day came to an end i would feel it, but i didn't. i felt like me. just me. i had a really sweet day with my family. we spent the day loafing around the house and in the afternoon i went to the grocery store alone. i brought home an easy dinner and a strawberry cake with whipped icing. i sat there thinking that i wouldn't change a thing about my life as a thirty year old woman. i thought ... i am thirty. i am thirty one weeks pregnant with my third baby. that realization alone made me smile and feel oh so content. what more could i really ask for? i didn't take any photos of the day and that's just fine. i didn't need to. it was perfect. 

... so here is to waiting for the rain to pass. to living in chaos for a bit until we are settled in our new home... holding our third baby in my arms. feeling nothing but love and thankfulness for this chapter of my life.  


a lavender pregnancy cake recipe

so, as most of you already know ... i am quite pregnant these days. as a result, i crave food all day long and if i do not eat something sweet at some point throughout the day ... i feel incomplete. i knew today was expected to be exceptionally muggy and cloudy outside, so i figured my littles and i wouldn't be doing much. a perfect opportunity to bake a cake, right?! ... i think so. i flipped through my recipe book and decided i would try something new ... something unusual, yet hopefully still delicious. i already have a recipe for lavender cake, so i thought i would tweak it a bit to incorporate pregnancy tea ... it only seemed fitting. :) so, here is what i came up with and i must say, it is rather delicious!

1. make your lavender pregnancy milk

  • two pregnancy tea bags (i got mine at the health food store)
  • two cups milk
  • one and a half tablespoons culinary lavender (also health food store)
add tea bags, milk and lavender in a saucepan and slowly heat ... you want it super hot, but not boiling. quickly bringing milk to a boil can scorch it and you will taste it ... not good.  after hot, remove from heat, cover and steep for about twenty minutes. lastly, strain away lavender and remove tea bags. set your lavender pregnancy milk aside.

2. now you will need to make your cake

  • two and one fourth cups cake flour
  • two and a half teaspoons baking powder
  • one teaspoon salt
  • one and one fourth cups sugar
  • one stick unsalted butter, room temp
  • two large eggs
  • two teaspoons vanilla
  • two thirds cup lavender pregnancy milk
preheat oven to 350 degrees and prepare two, nine inch round cake pans by greasing, flouring and lining with parchment paper. next, sift flour, baking powder and salt together. set aside. now, in a separate bowl, beat the sugar and butter together. add in one egg and at a time and then add vanilla. finally, add flour mixture and lavender pregnancy milk to sugar mixture ... alternating. start and end with flour mixture. this process takes a bit a time, but it is important that all the ingredients are mixed thoroughly. also, remember to constantly scrape the sides of the pan between add ins. now it is time to bake your cake for about twenty to twenty five minutes ... until a toothpick comes out clean. flip your cakes onto cooling racks.

3. frost that cake!

  • half cup solid shortening 
  • one stick butter, room temp 
  • one teaspoon vanilla
  • four cups sifted powdered sugar
  • two to three tablespoons lavender pregnancy milk

mix all ingredients together and frost your cake. remember to wait until your cake is completely cooled before slapping on that frosting. decorate however you choose and enjoy!

SIDE NOTE: you do not have to use pregnancy tea for this recipe. if you are not pregnant, simply use a different tea. i think chamomile tea or an orange spice would be rather delicious, too. to learn more about pregnancy tea and what it's all about, go here. also, if you want your cake to have a more bolder taste ... just add another tea bag or two when making your milk. i only used two because i wasn't sure how strong it would be and i didn't want to over do it.

one last thing! your kiddos can also eat this cake! perfectly safe and they will hopefully love it as much as mine did :)


hidden beauty // an instagram gallery

every now and again you discover something so beautiful that you have to tell the world about it. well, about a year ago, this happened to me...

i discovered an instagram feed that absolutely blew me away. this woman is not only a skilled photographer, she is also gentle with her words and incredibly kind... a true blue. with every photo she posts, a story is told. with every photo, you can feel yourself taking a deep breath and it's like she is sitting right next to you, saying, "it's okay, sweet child." you know, like stroking the hair on the back of your head the way your mama does. 

the trouble is ... she has no idea how amazing she is, so i wanted to stand on top of the tallest building and yell, "you are! you are amazing!" i can't do that, so i will just say it here ... go to her gallery and see all of the beauty she captures. give your soul the warmth it needs. 

snuggle up with your favorite blanket, play this song and explore her photos. she is truly an artist. you won't regret it. 


it's okay ...

it's okay to give your baby non organic apples because they cost less money. 

it's okay to let your little ones play naked in a creek and fall down. 

it's okay to lose your temper a little bit and yell. i promise, it's okay. forgive yourself. 

it's okay to never wear makeup. 

it's okay to feel so tired that the dishes have to wait until morning. 

it's okay that you cannot afford to dress your baby in clothes that do not come from a thrift store or target. 

it's okay that whenever you post a photo of yourself, it doesn't get as many likes. it does not mean you are not beautiful. (ahem, i'm talking to you, kristen)

it's okay that your arms are a bit flabby. 

it's okay that you do not get a haircut every six weeks and cover up those grays. 

it's okay to blow off a day of school and go on an adventure instead. 

it's okay to eat a big mac. it really, really is. 

it's okay that you have a diet coke habit that you just can't kick yet. 

it's okay to put on a movie for your little ones so you can browse the internet. 

it's okay to not be the perfect mom. the perfect woman. the perfect human ... it's okay as long as you hug the people you love every chance you get and make it so they never doubt how much they mean to you.