1/9/17

motherhood affirmations / how to stop comparing



when i was a little girl, i never once asked myself, "i wonder if my mom compares herself to other moms?" like, i knew that every mom had their own way of doing things, but i guess i never questioned how that made my mom feel. why would that even be something that she would worry about? anyway, maybe she didn't compare (I've never asked her) and maybe not all moms do, but i feel like some do .. and i feel that even though comparing your motherhood to someone elses is totally damaging, i also think it's probably pretty normal.

when i became a mother, back in 2008, i was basically a kid myself. i knew very little about what to expect and honestly, was a little aloof to the whole being a mom thing. i didn't compare myself to other moms because i didn't know any other moms in real life and the social media beast hadn't swallowed me up yet ... things were easier back then for me. sure, i made sooooo many mistakes, but i was confident. i knew that i loved my baby and that was the only guide i needed. so now i ask myself, what happened to that confidence? why do i overanalyze every mom move i make? why do i scroll through social media and think things like, "i wish i could be more like her?"

basically my point here is to put an end to that and start fresh again. here are some things i have been jotting down in my mind to help get me there.

1. it doesn't matter whatsoever what time another mom puts her baby to bed and where her baby sleeps. it doesn't matter at all.

2. it doesn't matter how another mom gave birth and where she gave birth and how long the birth lasted and how much her baby weighed. it doesn't matter at all.

3. it doesn't matter if her baby only eats avocado and your baby has a popsicle for breakfast. it doesn't matter.

4. it doesn't matter if all of your babies were born via cesarean and don't you dare hesitate to announce that. (me)

5. if you hang around a mom friend who is constantly making comparisons out loud by saying things like, "oh well my kid .."  shut that shit down (politely, of course).

6. if you follow a mom on social media that gives you feelings of self doubt, unfollow. it is totally okay to do that and you will feel so much lighter.

7. stop thinking things like, "she's more beautiful than i am" and start thinking things like, "she is beautiful and so am i."

8. don't look at another mom and immediately find something to judge her for. look for something to be inspired by instead.

9. remember that it is just as easy to lift yourself up as tear yourself down.

10. it doesn't matter if her kids are in all the activities and yours are not. it doesn't matter.

11. it doesn't matter that another mom's house looks like something out of a magazine and your couch has permanent marker scribbles all over it and you can't afford to replace it. (me, ha ha) it doesn't matter.

12. lastly, you love your children more than anything and you are doing an amazing job. give yourself a little more credit.

can anyone relate? xo




17 comments:

  1. i can totally relate, and i can't imagine the pressure that must come w/ your abundance of followers on instagram! and yet somehow you keep things so real, and poignant, and are such an inspiration to so many. well done :)

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  3. Thank you for sharing this. No. 4 especially resonated with me. I had my first baby in 2015 via cesarean and I've been so hard on myself about this. Constantly comparing myself to others. Thank you!

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  4. I can completely relate to this post so thank you for sharing. Social media is great but it is definitely a portal for comparison, self doubt and trolls ( and not the nice kind that Eleanor loves :-)
    We all need to try to take it easy on ourselves and stop putting ourselves under so much pressure. You don't have to be perfect to be a wonderful mum, just keep doing what you are doing 😘 xx

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  5. Dear Kristen, I've been following you for a while on instagram and always thought you are such a wonderful mother and give your kids so much! And I absolutely love your house!
    But yes, I know what you are talking about. I guess we all struggle and suffer from comparing ourselves to what the screen shows us... Thank you for your wise thoughts.

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  6. Dear Kristen,

    I truly enjoyed reading this post so thank you for putting it out there! MY FAVS - #3,#4,#5,#8,#10,#11,#12- Honestly I think social media can really be a good thing but a bad thing (kinda like most things in life in my opinion) What matters is to be able to hold those babies and be able to love them and care for them and make memories, and to me sometimes they don't always have to be recorded because when pulling out that phone just changes things up and then it's not a memory. I like to not lose myself in all of that and I try to just take it all in and not get consumed by all the pretty posts out there, all the pretty pictures. I want to be able to tell stories to my kids as they get older about the day they discovered something new even if I don't have a pretty picture of it, kinda just like how my grandparents who raised me use to tell me them. Any how I know I tell you how much I admire you as a mom and I do, because you keep it real and that's just gold girl..

    XOXO
    Johanna Roman

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  7. Gah. Yes. All these moms with the clean houses and all white everything..jealously is a terrible green-eyed monster. We live in west Texas where it's pretty much impossible to take a beautiful shot or have a beautiful house that isn't cookie cutter.. I have to take breaks from social media to just remind myself I'm a human.

    xo.

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  9. This was great to read, thank you so much for sharing. My children were also born by c-section, and I've always felt a bit of a failure for that. Which is ridiculous, when you think about it.
    Thank you.
    Rachel.

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  10. It is nice to hear that I am not alone in feeling less then sometimes. This is a wonderful list to remind ourselves of how much good we are actually doing. Thank you for sharing.

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  11. Totally relate!! 3 c sections here too mama. And I used to hate admitting it after just the first two. But now I do. Bc you never know what other mama needs to hear that you did it and you're ok and your kids are loved!

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  12. We've said so before, but I'm going to say again... this is a struggle. I struggle with the fact that my "baby" is almost 9. I'm 32 and somehow I missed the community of insta-momhood because my kids are old. It's isolating in a totally superficial but often, painful, way. I'm broke. It's taken years of being alone to get to a good place. I'm finally loving myself... but not even every day. I appreciate everything you said here. And I love ya.

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  13. Love this so much! I can completely relate. I am so guilty of comparing myself to other moms. I feel like sometimes it seems like it's almost a competition. Motherhood isn't easy, but it's wonderful. So much love to you for sharing this! Definitely brings the focus back to what's important. Thank you! ❤️️

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