on being still

lately we have been doing our best to just exist. you know, putting the phone down and living life. enjoying one another to the fullest. i have been trying my darndest to stay off of instagram as much as possible (which is tough because i love it) and only checking my phone several times of day. a couple of weeks ago i took the kids to the park and there was a little boy playing in the sand. his mother was trying to get a photo of him at a certain angle and the boy just wouldn't cooperate. she became frustrated, but finally got the shot. soon after, mama still on her phone, the little boy walks up to her and offers her a shovel to play in the sand with him. the mama, barely looking up from her phone, says, "not now, sweetie ... you play." .... this mother was ME. after leaving the park, i wanted to punch myself. instead i cried. i was so ashamed. why was i so focused on taking his photo and not focused on him? all he wanted was mama to play and i chose my phone instead. and then i started thinking ... how many times has this happened? photos are not as important as just being there. being present is important. sure, i still love taking photos of my babies because i know that one day we will all love looking through them. they will bring us joy. ... but, there has to be a balance. no, not a balance. there has to be more of me and less of a camera. more of me and less distractions. appreciating each and every moment. not everything has to be captured by our digital machines. 

so ... being still. existing with my children. loving them to the fullest. putting my phone down and social media on hold. being the best mother i can possibly be for them. and i know, ... that means being present. always accepting the shovel and playing in the sand. and leaving my damn phone in the car. 

also, just to be clear. this is something that has been weighing on my heart. this is a problem that belongs to me and something i want to work on ... i would not assume that all mamas and papas have this problem and certainly wouldn't judge them. :)

photos on my camera roll. new and old:

1/ eighteen weeks pregnant with baby number three.
2/ morning sun in my kitchen. fresh lilies and sharing bites of parfait with my little ones.
3/ typical lovable wolfgang. saying hi to everyone and kissing everything at the greenhouse.
4/ snuggling with my three babies.
5/ fresh squeezed lemonade. eleanor requests it everyday now.
6/ this boy will not stop climbing the stairs. aahh!
7/ a sunny day and new yellow clogs.
8/ brushing her teeth before bed.
9/ rolling around and being silly on the bed with daddy. their favorite thing.
10/ potting her very own flower for her window sill.
11/ spring! let the greenhouse hopping begin.
12/ eating cheese in mama's bed after waking up from a nap.


  1. Don't judge. Maybe this is the only time mom has for herself. She can't constantly pay attention to her boy. You don't know the whole story.

    1. i think there was a misunderstanding! the woman i was talking about in the story was me. i thought i was clear on that, but maybe not clear enough! i will fix that...i do know the whole story! so i feel like i can of judge myself :) but would not judge another mama! this post is about self reflection and improving myself as a mother! and being on my phone too much is something i need to work on, personally. not saying this is a problem for all parents! thanks for stopping by! x

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  3. Be gentle with yourself. We live in a very distracting world. If it isn't phones and IG, it's something else. Doing the work to constantly remind yourself to spend time with your children is one of the biggest accomplishments. Take it day by day!

  4. I'm so glad I stumbled across your blog and Instagram. I absolutely love your photos and I enjoy your writing a lot. I find myself returning here to check for updates. I have a blog over on Wordpress that I would love for you to check out if you fancied (Lorryjones.wordpress) I mostly write about motherhood and my son. I'm not 100% pleased with the aesthetic of my blog but I think I'll get there. My real journey in life has just begun and I'm so excited to blog about it for a long time coming, I think. Woops! I started rambling, sorry! I hope your pregnancy is treating you well.

  5. your writing and thoughts make me so happy. I totally relate to this and have been contemplating this for myself. I get so wrapped up sometimes in my phone . definitely left me feeling so encouraged and I can't wait to reflect more . wish we lived close to each other , I enjoy you so much !

  6. Hi lady :) I didn't realize you had a blog until now! Love this post - I know all too well how determined we mothers can be at getting that "perfect" photo... What I realized while looking back at photos from my childhood, and even photos of Seba (pre-instagram) is that the ones I love the most are the candid, imperfect photos... They speak to me so much more than the over-posed ones. Above all, my most favourite part of photos is the caption, the memory of what was happening in that exact moment. People looking in on our lives via social media will like photos for entirely different reasons than we do. A stranger's glimpse is just that: a glimpse. I often compare instagram to flings.. People get attracted by beautifully curated photos, but rarely does it become anything deeper. I over-blabbed and lost my train of thought.. To be continued ;) love this post. Lisa