i just not so gracefully plopped down on my bed to watch some TV and enjoy a bowl of pistachio gelato ... this is basically what i do almost every single night after tucking my babes in. although some nights it's cereal instead. anyway, soon this will change a bit. we will be living with a newborn and i might not be able to embrace my normal nighttime ritual .. and that's okay because i know in time i will get it back. three babies in, i know that it just takes a while. i am surprised at how calm i am this time around. with eleanor, i didn't have a clue what was coming. i was young and never really grasped how major having a baby is. with wolfgang, i was really scared. at times i even felt incapable. how will i juggle two kids? what was i thinking? ... but now, i'm calm. i know that it will be hard as hell and i'm ready for it. we will have really, really bad days with lots of tears, tantrums and turmoil, but we WILL survive it. it's just life. it's having kids. it's motherhood. everything will be okay. we gotta shake it off and keep it movin'.
i guess if i am fearful of anything, it is the first six weeks postpartum. i know that i will cry a lot and one week in, during a three am feeding, i will feel terrified and desperate and feel like i'm falling into a hole and at the bottom i am all alone. it will suck and i know that. i will doubt myself many, many times ... but i will be okay. it will pass. it always does.
in regards to preparing for our little man's arrival ... we are just about ready. he has about six outfits and no diapers, but hey! we are ready ... but really, he won't need much. we have a car seat to bring him home in, mama's milk and all the love to give. that's enough.
i began putting his room together and it's exactly how i imagined it. simple and sweet. a bed to sleep in and my great, great grandpa's rocking chair that creaks like a song. i find simplicity to be the most comforting. every morning until he arrives, i will slowly open the door and peek in. i will hear myself humming, the suckling sound of his nursing tongue and i will see the sunlight at my feet as we rock. it will be perfect and i cannot wait. three more weeks.
p.s. stay tuned for a 'what's in my hospital bag?' post. xo.
Beautiful post. And what a sweet, simple space indeed! Much love your way for this shift ahead. <3
ReplyDeleteHaving just done th transition to three, I can tell you, you've nailed it. Wonderful, beautiful and hard! And yes, that 3am dark tunnel! But six weeks in and we've survived and are loving it! Enjoy!
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