on being still

lately we have been doing our best to just exist. you know, putting the phone down and living life. enjoying one another to the fullest. i have been trying my darndest to stay off of instagram as much as possible (which is tough because i love it) and only checking my phone several times of day. a couple of weeks ago i took the kids to the park and there was a little boy playing in the sand. his mother was trying to get a photo of him at a certain angle and the boy just wouldn't cooperate. she became frustrated, but finally got the shot. soon after, mama still on her phone, the little boy walks up to her and offers her a shovel to play in the sand with him. the mama, barely looking up from her phone, says, "not now, sweetie ... you play." .... this mother was ME. after leaving the park, i wanted to punch myself. instead i cried. i was so ashamed. why was i so focused on taking his photo and not focused on him? all he wanted was mama to play and i chose my phone instead. and then i started thinking ... how many times has this happened? photos are not as important as just being there. being present is important. sure, i still love taking photos of my babies because i know that one day we will all love looking through them. they will bring us joy. ... but, there has to be a balance. no, not a balance. there has to be more of me and less of a camera. more of me and less distractions. appreciating each and every moment. not everything has to be captured by our digital machines. 

so ... being still. existing with my children. loving them to the fullest. putting my phone down and social media on hold. being the best mother i can possibly be for them. and i know, ... that means being present. always accepting the shovel and playing in the sand. and leaving my damn phone in the car. 

also, just to be clear. this is something that has been weighing on my heart. this is a problem that belongs to me and something i want to work on ... i would not assume that all mamas and papas have this problem and certainly wouldn't judge them. :)

photos on my camera roll. new and old:

1/ eighteen weeks pregnant with baby number three.
2/ morning sun in my kitchen. fresh lilies and sharing bites of parfait with my little ones.
3/ typical lovable wolfgang. saying hi to everyone and kissing everything at the greenhouse.
4/ snuggling with my three babies.
5/ fresh squeezed lemonade. eleanor requests it everyday now.
6/ this boy will not stop climbing the stairs. aahh!
7/ a sunny day and new yellow clogs.
8/ brushing her teeth before bed.
9/ rolling around and being silly on the bed with daddy. their favorite thing.
10/ potting her very own flower for her window sill.
11/ spring! let the greenhouse hopping begin.
12/ eating cheese in mama's bed after waking up from a nap.