shared nursery wish list

so, as you know ... we are expecting another little bundle of joy late this summer. well, we hope to be moved to a new house by then *fingers crossed* but if not, we will be moving eleanor into wolfgang's room and wolfgang and the new baby will share the bigger room. most likely, wherever we move, they will still need to share a room ...

my mama brain has been going non stop as of late ... even keeping me up at night. fantasizing about new baby and what his or her name will be and if he or she will have blue eyes like brother and sister and oh my gosh, all i want is a healthy baby ... you know how it goes. the anticipation. the worry. the excitement. anyway, thanks to pinterest and just my general need to decorate and rearrange ... i have been dreaming up what their shared nursery will look like. we actually will not need a lot for new baby because a lot will be passed on from wolfgang. and also, new babies just do not require a whole lot. anywho, for their shared nursery i am thinking neutral and green. i want it to be a calm space with lots of natural light ... i can already see it in my head. tiptoeing around their room while they are both sleeping. the sunlight hitting my toes ... nursing new baby in that old rocking chair. the song of it's creak putting us both to sleep ... wolfgang stretching his arm through the crib slats, trying to touch baby. oh, the magic. the magic. the magic. the love.

1. i am obsessed with these mobiles and especially in love with the horses. oh my!

2. i have been following maiuki on instagram for a while now and in love with these knits! a little knit cap for baby's first winter is a must.

3. all things nature baby! this bunny nightlight would be a splurge, but oh wouldn't it look precious on a dresser next to a plant and tiny wooden rattles? and this moses basket is something i definitely will be purchasing. i wanted it for wolfgang and it never happened and im still upset about it. i will not make that mistake again!

4. we most likely will be buying this crib. wolfgang's crib is white, but i think they will compliment each other well.

5. plants! of course this nursery will have plants in baskets because every room in our house does! it only makes sense. and besides, they will keep the babies company. ;) i fell in love with this print. i think in a white frame it will look just darling above a crib or dresser. in love.

6. lastly, i want to learn how to knit a chunky, cream cable knit blanket for both cribs. i can do it, right!

anyway, im sure i will stumble across or think of plenty more things i want, but i am going to do my best to keep things simple and practical. i still haven't found that perfect rug yet ....

vegetable soup and baby flutters

today was just a really good day around here. i woke up with a belly that was a bit rounder than yesterday, school went really well, wolfgang took two long naps, i felt well enough to bake blueberry muffins and chop veggies for soup. the icing on the cake was that i felt a butterfly flapping it's gracious wings in my tummy. a spark of magic ... immediately filling me with giddy feelings and it finally hitting me ... there really is a baby in there! at one point i overheard eleanor telling wolfgang in a baby voice, "you're going to be a big brother ... yesssss you are." it was music to my ears. she has even been showing him how to hold and feed her baby dolls. as of right now he likes to toss them on the floor, but he'll get there. ha ha. arick pointed out that he noticed there is a jar of pickles in the fridge and that i haven't purchased pickles since i was pregnant with eleanor ... maybe girl??? who knows! we will be happy either way. anyway, it was a really good day and i hope you all had a really good day, too. xo. 

p.s. this song

wild & free

this january i had the privilege of contributing to a fantastic online homeschooling magazine called Wild & Free. each month, a new bundle is released ... a collection of articles written by homeschooling mothers from all over. in this bundle, IMAGINE, eleanor and i contributed to a segment called Cooking With Kids. it was based on the classic story A Little Princess and oh, golly we had so much fun putting our little piece together. we made cherry pie tarts on lollipop sticks. eleanor felt like a princess herself wearing her apron and having her photos taken. if you are a homeschooling parent or want to be someday or just a stay at home mom, the Wild & Free Co. is an absolutely amazing community to be a part of. it provides so much encouragement and support... and we all need that. you can check it out here. i hope you do!

air

 some days i have so many feelings, but no way to describe them. ill try. 

you know that feeling when you run and jump into a pool? that feeling when you smack against the water and go under ... there is that ten seconds you are under the water and absolutely nothing is on your brain except swimming to the top to catch your breath. that gasp for oxygen. feeling completely awake and alive once you are above water ... what i am trying to describe is the in and out of every waking moment of everyday. moments when you feel completely without air... and then something amazing occurs and suddenly oxygen fills your lungs and produces a big, fat smile. i had a whole lot of those in and outs this week. and here, in these photos, are all of those air filled smiles. those moments where i caught my breath.

this week.

mostly our weeks are spent at home. typically the only time the kids and i leave the house is for ballet, library and trips to the grocery store. i must say ... we get a little stir crazy at times. especially when mama isn't doing so hot. my morning sickness and exhaustion with baby number three is in full effect and honestly, most of time i'm looking for any moment throughout the day when i can crawl into bed. i do not have family around and arick has been working outside of the home a lot lately, so i gotta keep truckin.' ... im not complaining ... it's okay. we do okay. eleanor is a trooper and will play quietly in her room while wolfgang naps so i can rest. my house has paid a price though ... and it sucks. i do okay keeping up with dishes and laundry and sweeping up, but oh man my floors need mopped and my windows need scrubbed. i just keep telling myself that it's no big deal and this will pass and i will be back at it soon enough. all that matters is that my babies are fed and hugged and loved. the emotions though ... wow. those first trimester blues. i force myself to watch reruns of the office before falling asleep at night to have a good laugh. something lighthearted. something familiar. comfort, i guess. 

moving right along ... this week was my husband's birthday, so i baked a carrot cake from scratch because it's his favorite and every year he requests it. i was feeling rather normal the day of which made me happy. i was so worried i would be too sick to bake, but nope! a dear window of opportunity at the most perfect time. eleanor put pink roses on top and made him a card. when he got home from work, we sang happy birthday and shared bites. it was sweet ... but you know, little ones have a way of adding magic to things ... warmth. unconditional love. excitement. all that good stuff that makes life worth living. 

this week also marks ten months of trying to sell our house. it was pretty stressful six months in, but here lately we are sort of "eh" about it. not like giving up, but just trying to stay positive because things could be worse and unnecessary worry or stress will not help it sell. we have a roof over our heads and gosh, that's huge, ya know? we took a break from open houses during the holiday season, but will be back at it beginning this weekend. here's hoping i can muster the strength to get the house ready! and if i can't do it all, that's okay, too. everything will be fine. deep breathes. 

approaching thirty.

this year is kind of huge for me. i turn thirty. THIRTY. and let me tell you ... every morning when i wake and stumble to the bathroom and slowly plop on the toilet, i feel it. my pee even has a new smell. is that weird to say? who cares. oh and then when i stand up and pull up those oversized hanes her way that i have been wearing since my last pregnancy and look in the mirror, all i see is everything that has happened since my birth until now. i look like an open memoir. sadness, exhaustion, motherhood, remnants of my youth, worry, happiness, comfort, joy ... old and new. if i study my face long enough i can see my nineteen year old self in a fit of laughter. i can see the joy i felt when my babies were born. i can see the innocence of a seven year old me playing catch with my brother in the yard of the house i grew up in. it's all there. it's here. living in every pore and in every wrinkle. every accomplishment. every mistake. it's there ... and it's some kind of wonderful.

man, my twenties were hard. i messed up. a lot. a whole lot. but i also grew so much and i am so grateful to finally be leaving my twenties and entering my thirties. i feel like i finally have my feet planted on the ground and know exactly what i want. what i need. and that is exactly what i have right now. staying at home with my babies, waiting for my husband to get home. fixing dinner and evening routines and loads of laundry and dirty diapers and long naps. all of it. 

for the past ten years i have been keeping notes. literally. and storing them in the top of my dresser drawer. today i pulled them out. here they are. 

it's okay if some people don't fancy you. 

cellulite IS sexy. 

never be someone else's black cloud. 

you will never outgrow feelings. 

you don't always have to take a stand. 

if the apple you are eating isn't organic, it's okay. 

learn how to say "i'm sorry" and mean it.

cry alone and for no reason when you need to. 

stop hating yourself for mistakes you cannot undo and just try really, really try hard not to ever make those mistakes again. 

mind ya business. 

negativity will destroy you and the ones you love. 

never forget the times you felt free and remember them often. 

sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will ALWAYS hurt you. 

be kind. be kind. be kind. 

ask yourself why you are still holding that grudge. maybe you should be. or maybe not?

love yourself with greasy hair and no makeup. this IS how your children will remember you anyway. 

try your damnedest to be the light in someone else's life. 

sing. 

notice something beautiful every single day. 

lay in your underwear and read a book while the babies nap. 

let it go. 

stop hiding from the camera. when you're eighty you will think, "i looked great."

and lastly... this is one that i reflect on often....

stop wondering if the grass is always greener and water yours. 

age twenty to thirty. my soundtrack. 

1. Iron & Wine - Our Endless Numbered Days

2. Neil Young - On the Beach 

3. The Be Good Tanyas - Chinatown

4. Kings of Convenience - Riot On An Empty Street

5. Clouddead - Ten

6. Son Volt - Trace 

7. Devendra Banhart - Rejoicing in the Hands

8. Sufjan Stevens - Michigan/Illinoise

9. Joanna Newsom - The Milk Eyed Mender

10. Belle & Sebastian - If You're Feeling Sinister 

11. Beck - Sea Change 

12. Bonnie 'Prince' Billy - EVERYTHING HE EVER MADE

13. The Upsetters - Super Ape 

14. Andrew Bird - Mysterious Production of Eggs

15. Damien Jurado - Where Shall You Take Me?

16, Sun Kil Moon - Ghosts Of The Great Highway

17. Magnolia Electric Co. - What Comes After The Blues 

18. Gillian Welch - Soul Journey
19. Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning
20. M. Ward - Transistor Radio

the other day Arick said that there are probably only one or two people in this world that you will love unconditionally and all you can hope for is that whoever that person may be for you ... that you are also that person for them. 

this is a photo of a  twenty four year old me with my husband eating breakfast at a local diner that we frequented a lot at that time in our lives. 

i know this post was jumbled and a bit random. thanks for reading. a big hell yea kind of welcome home hug for my thirties and a sweet farewell kiss to my twenties. xo. 

a new life

a couple of months ago my husband and i sat in bed and discussed our future ... we do that often because well, i guess that's what grown ups do. we had been feeling rather content with the way things are. we have a roof over our heads, a steady income that allows me to stay home with our two healthy kids and each other ... why push it? you know what i mean? although the idea of carrying and mothering another baby seemed delightful because it is ... we just weren't sure having another baby was something we were going to do. well, it turns out ... during that conversation of whether or not we were going to grow our family .... i was pregnant.

we are thrilled. yes, we are.

our little bean is due in august and i have already been fantasizing about the whole day he or she arrives. that moment your baby leaves your body and enters your world ... well there is no greater high. the joy ... it takes your breath away. i can't wait.

i will be back soon with updates of our sweet little journey. for now, i will leave you this song.